EXPERIENCES THAT HELPED ME GROW UP

EXPERIENCES THAT HELPED ME GROW UP

            I have three major childhood experiences that molded me as I am today. The household chores/labor which I think if it happened today qualifies child labor; the corporate punishment; and my pathological parents.

            I grew up being the eldest of four siblings. And not only that, I am the only daughter. In this part of the world, girls are trained to do the household chores that are defined as ‘for women’ at an early age. ‘Early age’ however is relative, in my case, I learned to perform the household chores at the age of five. The chores that I would be taught are first of all cooking especially rice, then doing the laundry and cleaning up. The cleaning up is easier and does not need any serious tutoring, the laundry however does and so with cooking. We did not have the washing machine back then so that we wash clothes by hand. I was taught to separate the white clothes from the colored ones. And scrub the most sensitive parts of the clothes like the crotch, the armpit and the collar. We use wood for cooking, so the first lesson would be how to arrange the wood in order to burn easily, how to lit up fire with paper and matchsticks and setting them up under the pile of wood for burning. The next lesson will be how to clean up the rice, how much to put water in proportion to the amount of rice, putting the pot on fire and watching it boil until the rice is cooked and the fire is set to low by removing some wood. I did not have a lot of time playing games in the neighborhood because in the afternoon I am expected to go home and start cooking for the meals. If I don’t, I get whipped. And this is the other part of the story.

            In this part of the world also, children are disciplined harshly by beating, whipping, slapping, and other forms of punishment and humiliation. This practice was never considered as violence against children. It is in fact, hailed as the most effective form of disciplining children. So that means, I get punished and humiliated every time, I commit mistakes. And that was how I was ‘disciplined’. The parents do not mind looking at children bruised and in total pain. It was the same thing to me. I never thought however that the corporal punishment I suffered will be indelibly etched in my mind even as I am growing old. Looking back through my bitter childhood, I can say that I wished that the severe punishments did not happen at all. I resent my parents for it.  I always compare how I was brought up very differently from some of my contemporaries. Even up to now, I compare the training I had with the younger generations. I wished that I had a pleasant childhood. But if I did maybe I would be different now, inutile in the household operations and weak. The whippings scarred my self-esteem but it has made me strong and obstinate and sometimes haughty. These are traits that come in handy as I deal with the world around me. And most importantly, I have learned how to forgive my old folks.

            The skills I learned in the household have helped me and my younger brothers survive. My mother was always out of the house and we were left fending for ourselves. So that I start the morning by cooking breakfast, washing dishes, then cleaning up the house and then cooking for lunch, feeding my brothers, washing dishes,  resting in the afternoon heat and then cooking again for dinner. Not to mention that I have to take care of my rowdy brothers to keep them at bay. Laundry is done once a week on Saturdays.          

            My experience as the only girl and at the same time a part-time mother when she is away helped me become responsible and independent. So that growing up I know that I will always survive whatever challenges I face. I may have been deprived of a beautiful childhood playing with the children in my neighborhood. Sometimes I resent the thought of it but it is better than not being able to know the basic things about survival like cooking.          

            Being born to a poor and pathological family has also helped me struggle against life and the pains that come along with it. My father was a drunkard and gambling man so that we sometimes end up not having enough money to buy food. My parents fight as a result and I would always end up caught in the crossfire. I was four then, those were my early memories in my childhood, my parents fighting violently and me, crying and very depressed. Their fight does not spare me, because I am often used as their tool to get back to each other, which is very painful emotionally and psychologically. Sometimes, I get beaten as a result. Everyone knows that parents should not fight in front of the kids but my parents do not know any better. So we were poor and I was emotionally battered. I don’t want to be poor, that is one thing for sure. I don’t even want to marry a drunkard and gambler, that’s another thing for sure.

            I have pains I carried from childhood up to now and I wished I could turn back time. But it happened and it helped me become a stronger person and a survivor of life. But as always it is never too late for anything. As the saying goes: “It is never too late to have a happy childhood (Tom Robbins).

                 

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