(1) I cannot correct your grammar or English writing on the draft of your chapters. One of the reasons is that my correction may be different from correction, and he will make the final call anyway. But please use your Word software to check your grammar again.
(2) You should prepare a Table of Content in front of the draft so that and your readers can have a common ground to exchange ideas.
(3) Chapter One: you cover too many subjects and you may want to downsize somewhat. But of course, if this is the way you prefer, you can keep this format.
(4) On the first paragraph of page 1, you said, “… a succeeding low with…” and I don’t quite get the meaning. Please modify to make it clear.
(5) On page 3, the second paragraph: “.. including three major urban areas in Kaohsiung.” I believe it is NOT Kaohsiung, but should be Taiwan.
(6) On page 13: usually you don’t review methodology on chapter one. If you want to review what other researchers’ methodology would be on similar studies, you should address the issue on chapter 2 (Literature Review). Or simply put the summary in Chapter Three.
(7) On Chapter Two (starting from page 21): Please give me more quotes and references. You put too many statements and research findings without disclosing where they come from. You should disclose as much as possible. The more quotes, the better.
For example, in the first paragraph on page 21, you indicated the industry is expected to continue growing within the succeeding years. Who says that? You must disclose the source of this information.
For example, in the second paragraph on page 21, you indicated the hotel industry in Taiwan is delineated into international and domestic hotels based on …. Who says that? You must disclose the source of this information.
For example, in the third paragraph on page 21, you indicated the common objective is to utilize and maximize their resources to achieve a high brand equity. Who says that? You must disclose the source of this information.
Remember, when writing a dissertation, you must have foundation, sources, and evidence on whatever you say. You cannot simply write down statements without disclosing. It is common that you have quotations on each paragraph on each page, unless you are telling your own personal story.
(8) The literature review on Chapter Two looks fine to me, in general. But I don’t know how would view.
(9) On Chapter Three (starting from page 41): Please remember that for those people who would read your dissertation carefully, they are highly educated and highly likely Dabs or PhDs already. Therefore, you don’t treat them as college students by telling them what the statistics is. You simply cut off all the introduction by getting right down to what methodology you would like to use in your study.
As a result, on page 48, you should NOT teach what is methodology.
On page 49, you should not teach what are the three kinds of research methods. You simply waste your time and paper.
On page 54, you should not teach what is sampling design.
On page 58, you should not teach watt is data collection.
On page 59, you should not teach what is data analysis.
All the these above “teachings” are just wastes. Please cut them of and modify to simply what you are going to do for your own study. You are not writing a textbook on methodology. You are writing a dissertation by using a methodology.
(10) On page 64, I thought you already changed to 7-point Liker Scale but on this page you continue to use 5-point. Please clarify.
(11) On page 68, again it’s a waste of your time and efforts that you teach what is ANOVA.
(12) On References, please refer to APA manual again. You must be consistent on the format. Check each citation. For example, on the 7th citation of page 73, you put Churchill … (1982),
It should be (1982). It should be a period “.” not a comma “,” Please check your references again.
Credit:ivythesis.typepad.com
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